Vetting Potential Doms and Submissives

Vetting 101

Its important to remember that Vetting is just a fancy word for getting to know each other openly in the lifestyle of BDSM. It means you both openly recognize and accept that You are both kinky and looking to meet your ideal Dom, Sub or play partner

It is not a job interview and should not be treated as one. 

It is a relationship first and foremost. So often you will see folks recommend that you ask potential Doms or subs for a reference to prove they are safe to play with.

Who do they expect to get a reference from? An ex boyfriend or girlfriend how about an Ex Husband Or Wife. It’s not a logical request in the dating scene.

References were and are intended for Professional Doms and Players

Both have the right to ask for a reference as apart of their vetting process considering there is an exchange of money for play and less vetting time in the Professional scene, then those seeking a romantic long term arrangement.

Whereas vetting for a relationship, is about knowing what YOU want first and foremost When you know exactly what you want in a partner, half of the work is already done

If you don’t know what you want in a Dom or Sub then you are flying solo without a compass. When you know what you want and why you want it you will NOT allow yourself to settle for less. This makes you 100x more attractive to the one you seek

It's important to know they seek you too, You will know them when you meet them because they will align with your world view on life, as well as your kinks and fetishes. You will feel it

Which brings us to next tip in vetting

Trust your intuition, your gut instinct, do not doubt yourself, when it comes to picking a potential Dom or Sub. If the vibe feels off, it is.. Trust yourself. We all know what happens when we choose not to listen to our instincts. 

Just as it's important to know what you want in a Power Exchange relationship it's just as important to Know your boundaries. 

When I speak of boundaries I'm not talking about kinky hard limits. I’m talking about your limits and boundaries as a person, as a man as a woman As a Dom as a Sub as a human being. 

As my mother used to tell me.. “Once you make your own rules for yourself. Don’t break’em For anyone or anything.”

This is a part of knowing oneself.

It's also a part of self love. If you are a submissive reading this, you make it possible for us to be Dom’s. Without your submission we cannot be a Dom. You have every right to set healthy boundaries between you and your Dom Just as if you are a Dom reading this. It is not your job to save them from them self

Only they can save themselves. All we can do is give them space to heal but we cannot do the work for them, nor should we. 

Take a moment to really think about what you want in life and in a relationship

Think about your limits, wants, needs and desires. Once you have done that, promise yourself no less. 

To read Mistress Gomorahh’s Checklist of green and red flags for vetting potential Doms and Subs Click here

Click here to read the 5 questions I recommend asking any potential Dom or Sub to discover if they are the one for you